Union of Spirit

I awakened remembering a dream from twenty years ago with new insight into its meaning.

The Dream: Stephen, a very close friend, is in hospital, dying of Aids. He looks ghastly, covered with sores. “Let’s make love,” he says. I am appalled and horrified. “Now?! I say, “Now you want to make love?” As much as we loved each other, because he was gay we had never been lovers.

I found out shortly after having this dream that Stephen had, in fact, died.

Interpretation: Stephen once criticized me for having a “literal” mind. If I could have seen beyond the literal meaning of what he was saying to me in the dream, perhaps I could have been a better friend. Had I been able to spiritually embrace him instead of shrinking from him, perhaps I could have eased both his passing and my grief. Why did I remember this dream now? Aunt Peggy’s declining state has brought to the fore the difficult issue of mortality.

Phone a Friend

The Dream: Aunt Peggy, who has dementia and recently went into a care facility, has managed to make phone calls and undo most of the sorting out that Clark and I have been attempting on her behalf. I’m not sure if it was in the dream or in a half awake state that I thought, “That isn’t possible. She can no longer make a phone call.”

Interpretation: The obvious interpretation of this dream is that I am feeling anxiety over the many tasks involved in sorting out another’s affairs. I am afraid our work will be for nothing; that somehow my aunt, who has always been a difficult person, will screw things up. But there are dream workers who suggest that a dream does not come to tell us what we already know. If they are right, I have to assume that some part of me doesn’t accept the fact that my aunt has dementia. In this dream, as in a previous one, I struggle to come to terms with the reality of my aunt’s condition.

Not Ready to Go

The Dream: I am at the airport. The plane is at the gate. Its interior has only a few seats; it seems truncated, for example, only the first class section. Yet it feels spacious; the seats are white leather. No one is on the plane—no crew, no passengers, no gate keepers even. I decide to use the toilet but find I can’t go. After a while I must have produced a little something so I decide to flush. Immediately I feel this would be a mistake because the toilets are like train toilets and will flush directly onto the tarmac, which might not be too pleasant for those loading the plane. I stay on the toilet for a while, trying to produce more output and having very little success.

At last I leave the toilet and as I open the door I encounter a maintenance man who had been patiently waiting to clean the room. I’m embarrassed and apologize; he seems long suffering. Had I known he was there I would have cut short my visit.

Writing

The Dream: I’m writing and writing—long hand, in a journal--and it is some sort of emotional release.

Interpretation: My unconscious tells me that keeping my dream journal is important for my psychic well being.

Cleaning Out Old Stuff

The Dream: I am cleaning out the closet in the bedroom of the house I lived in as a child. Some of the clothes belong to my daughter, and I don’t think I should get rid of them. I must leave them where they are, even though I’d like to finish the job.

Interpretation: Everyone in a dream is an aspect of the dreamer. In this dream I am sorting out which aspects of myself I want to keep, and which I want to get rid of. As I confront an old self (my inner child) I realize that I have shut her out of my life (put her things in the closet: the “close it.”).  But I can’t get rid of her so easily; her clothes (facets of her) remain. My job is to accept this, leaving her things where they are.

The Yellow Blanket

The Dream: There is a cheerful yellow blanket with trapunto ducks that I want to put on the bed.

Interpretation: A bed is a place to rest, and a blanket symbolizes warmth and comfort. The yellow ducks imply the homey sort of contentment a well-cared for child experiences. The dream is pointing out that I want to rest and be comforted.

Express Yourself

The Dream: I have a new two-story house, unfurnished. An artist friend gives me a wooden table and a toilet stall. This is a self-contained toilet, like the ones you would find in a public restroom. The slightly curved floor and the walls are composed of wooden slats. I examine this fixture, thinking about cleaning it.

Interpretation: I am on the way toward building a new understanding of who I am (the new house). The fact that the house has two stories tells me that I am attempting to integrate two different versions (stories) of myself that currently reside, at different levels, in my psyche. The house is unfurnished; this hints that I have the opportunity to go in a new direction. In other words, I’m not constrained by a previously set style.

My inner artist (the artist friend) immediately steps in to help. One of her gifts is a wooden table. Since tables are places where people come together for sustenance, she is trying to help me to integrate these varying, often inharmonious, aspects of myself. She also offers an unusual toilet. Toilets represent places where we can express ourselves—let things out—in privacy.  But instead of my using her gift in this way, I immediately think about the chore aspect of having a toilet: you have to keep it clean. My unconscious is pointing out that I miss out on some parts of life by being unwilling to accept the mess that's part of it, and--more to the point--part of me.