A Broken Engagement

The Dream: I am engaged to the fiancé of a gay friend. He and I are dancing together in preparation for our wedding. He is very small, but very self-confident, and to me this comes across as his being full of himself. He does one surprising dance move, a head to toe shimmy. I'm impressed, but—try as I might—I can't get him to catch on to the grapevine.

I become aware that I have no feeling for him. This makes me a little sad. At one point I hold him as if he were a child, across my lap. I don't know why we're engaged. I say to him, “Don't you think we should get to know one another better?” He is hurt, I can see that in his eyes, but as far as I'm concerned we've only met 3 times. He says, “You know it's right when it's right.”

It doesn't feel right to me, and I want to break it off. At first I don't think I can because people have been invited, all sorts of arrangements have been made. How many people go through with a marriage, I wonder, only because they don't know how to get out of it? Then I remember that it's the planning for my daughter's marriage that has been finalized, not mine. I call it off.

Interpretation: What is the engagement I've broken? Clearly it's to something I find inappropriate, to another's fiancé, and a gay man at that. This dream character represents a small part of myself that excels in spontaneity (the shimmy) and refuses to be trained (I can't teach him the grapevine). The dream points out that I've broken off my engagement to the emotional, intuitive side of myself, that part that knows without analysis when something is right. It's the egotistical small child side, the 3 year old who is full of himself.

I come to realize through the dream that I don't feel I know this part: despite the fact that we're engaged I don't think we know each other. He embarrasses me, and I want to be free of him. The dream points out my discomfort, giving me the first step in possibly reintegrating this alien aspect.

Too Many Fingers in the Pie

The Dream: I'm wandering, perhaps lost. I become aware of my daughter's fiancé, an older lawyer who is working as an accountant. He has many extra fingers on one hand. He asks some questions, and I realize how sharp he is. He's very incisive in his questioning, and understands the possible ramifications of things almost intuitively. He seems like a good match for my daughter, who is very focused on work.

Interpretation: The dream is pointing out (with all those fingers!) that I'm overly focused on work and obligation. The questioning part of myself (the lawyer) is trying to figure out (keep account of) what's important. If he succeeds, perhaps he'll get my daughter (my inner child) to take a break.

Performance

The Dream: I’m part of a group that performs, and some of us die during the course of my dream. The man I am engaged to spends a lot of time with the leading lady, who is very pretty and well aware of it: arrogant and exclusive. I am wandering about in the morning among sleeping bags looking for my fiancé. He is with this other woman; they have slept side-by-side. Later I see them holding hands and I think, “He doesn’t hold my hand.” I go up to them. I place my hand on his arm and say, “It’s over.”

Interpretation: During the course of my life I’ve performed many roles, and some of these are no longer desirable. In that sense, they’re dead. In my psyche, an important part of me (my fiancé) is very attracted (she’s pretty) to some negative qualities: exclusivity and arrogance. These two live beneath my conscious comprehension (in sleeping bags), but as I wander close to them, daylight (morning) signals a dawning awareness. I begin to see I’ve cheated myself by my engagement with these traits, and that I can reject them. (It’s over.)