Sunday, April 7, 2013

Undercover Agents of Change

Art in dreams can stand for the process of self-discovery, and this dream points out how difficult that process can be.

The Dream:
I have just killed someone, possibly because I didn't like her artwork. I see a large wooden palette with colors laid out; soft shades of blue green. I feel either superior or inferior to this artist: in any case her artwork makes me uncomfortable. I say “her” but it isn't completely clear now whether the artist is male or female. I kill him / her.

Then I discover the murder is justified because I'm a government agent, working underground, and this murder was part of my job. A woman and I are in it together, part of the fight against another regime. Suddenly I'm naked, and the two of us must hide or our mission will be discovered---or perhaps it already has been—and we'll be killed. We have some friends, part of the underground network, who are willing to hide us. First we're hidden under a large pile of fabric—under cover indeed! I'm wondering if the enemy will be able to discover us here. Then I hide alone, in a barn-like space, with bails of hay and an old car. It's very dark and again, I'm not sure I won't be discovered.

In this dream, killing the person whose art I don't like refers to a strong rejection of something that I am unconsciously trying to express. The blue green color hints that whatever it is makes me sad (blue), but also holds the key to my growth (green). The fact that I am working “underground” emphasizes that the conflict is unconscious. That I discover myself to be a government agent tells me that the conscious ego has been selected to dispatch the difficulty, but as the dream progresses it becomes clear that it can't. Just as I am the murderer I am also the victim: as soon as I kill the not-yet-integrated artist I become prey; it's as if I have supplanted the murdered artist. My conflict looms close to consciousness, and reinforcements in the form of a helper appear. I discover the issue is close to being exposed (I am naked). I try to hide from the very uncomfortable realization that's emerging  by going underground, undercover, yet again. At the end of the dream I'm still in the dark, the necessary integration has not occurred.

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