Sunday, November 9, 2014

Can't Erase the Black Marks

The Dream: I'm in a contemporary style classroom, in a shopping mall, with Clark. I am looking for places to cover with black paint, and I find some along a wall that is organized for storage. Then I paint on the glass of some windows and an entrance door. I sling paint around and write some words that are inappropriate for the school age children who come to this place, like “damn.” I soon become aware that I've done something inappropriate and need to remove what I've written. I work at it but find the marks impossible to erase completely. Clark disapproves of my poor judgment in expressing myself in this uncensored way. When the marks I've made in the storage area prove impossible to remove, I move on to the glass door. I scrape with a single edge razor blade and can't understand why the paint won't neatly peel up as it does when I scape paint off my palette in the studio. Clark points to a window on the other side of the room and says I should have used that one instead of the door.

Interpretation: The black marks are things I've done that haunt me (stored in my unconscious), as well as my attempts at self-expression: in waking life I am a painter and the marks I'm making in the dream are with paint. I am unable to eradicate either these black marks or the content they express (damn!), even though I feel both are inappropriate. My laying down of paint in this self-expressive way makes a mess, and that's interesting because I find that's the result when I try to paint something without a plan in waking life. The dream has uncovered the genesis of my rigorous self-discipline, the strength that is also a weakness. Clark, my other half, tells me not that I shouldn't have done what I did, but that I should have found another place (a different way) to do it. He points out that the window (of opportunity) is still available.


Emily said...

The first thought that comes to my mind are from my early religious training - that my soul would be scarred by black marks every time I sinned! That would keep me from going to heaven unless I confessed. However, that's not the only response I have to dream. For me, writing these particular words is an expression of my anger. Women are not allowed to express anger (generally), and so my psyche is expressing it in the dream. I write them on windows and doors - the windows a place where the world will see my anger. I've kept it in for so long. The doors? Another opening to the world of my feelings. My animus disapproves of this (as do most men?) and is trying to keep me "appropriate" - in the way he thinks is appropriate, not necessarily in the way I feel is appropriate. The reason I can't remove them is that my psyche is the safe place to put my anger - were I able to remove because Clark says I need to, well then, for me, it's repressing my anger all over again. I want my frustrations to be seen and heard, my animus does not. It feels threatened. And the shopping mall - somewhere I read that shopping pertains to making choices - we go to stores and make a decision as to what to buy. The shopping mall is a collective place. The choice I'm making here is whether or not, and how, to express my anger. Thanks again for a great dream and illustration!

Carla Young said...

Thanks for bringing out the idea of repressed anger as an important component of this dream.

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