The Layered Look

The Dream: I have gone to a store with a male friend. I am wearing a shirt and underpants. I start to feel self-conscious, and I realize this is the second time I've done this recently. I turn to my companion saying, “You could have said something!”

The store is dimly lit; I'm hoping no one will notice, or that I can pull down my shirt to the point it will cover the undies. I become aware that I'm wearing two pairs. The longer pair, boxer shorts, is silky and patterned: dark blue, black and white. The second pair, worn over the boxers, is flesh colored with a typical women's panty cut.

Interpretation: What do these underwear represent? The boxers, with their bold masculine pattern, are closest to my body. Over these, but not completely covering them up, is a skin-colored layer of femininity.

The dream leads me to ask: what is my essence? Is femininity an overlaid cultural construct, obscuring what actually lies closer to my skin—or even under it? A discussion the evening before led me to think of the “masculine” as representing the vital life force that pushes outward: an energy field we all must have. Women might use theirs in a “feminine” way—to protect their young—or we might use it to write, to lead, to do scientific research. Whatever we do with energy and commitment and passion—whatever we're willing to “fight” for, might be attributed to our animus, the masculine force. Our more inward, reflective, spiritual, soulful, intuitive side belongs to our anima, the feminine force. When we passionately follow a spiritual or artistic path, both are engaged.

How is this playing out in my life, and what is my dream telling me about it? I feel remarkably strong, especially intellectually. (My animus boxers are close to me.) I'm afraid of offending when I let this out (when I'm exposed!) publicly. So I cover over my strength with an outward layer of femininity (the anima panties). By doing this I give short shrift to both sides, and, no surprise, I feel inappropriate and uncomfortable. But perhaps the dream, and my illustration, have helped to resolve the issue. When I look at the drawing I think, “Those two undies worn together look kind of attractive—and there's something about it that's fun!”

Guest Dream: Knitting Myself Together

Today' guest dreamer is Robin Whitmore, who also records and illustrates his dreams at Robin's Dream Diary. I'll respond to his dream as if it were my own. The dreamer always gets the last word, so please look at the comments following the dream for Robin's take.

Robin's Dream: I am in a huge builders merchants' yard. Workmen are milling around, busy on an important task - something has to be found out, uncovered. I pick up a plastic bag with plumbing connections in it."Leave them alone," I am told, "don't want you meddling with that." I just seem to be in the way.

Then I find a stack of old papers, all in handwriting that is not easy to decipher. It goes back years. I am convinced this has the answer to everything the men are searching for and I say to one of them,"Let me look through these, I am sure I will find the truth here." The men are a bit dismissive, they don't share my conviction but they are happy for me to take this dusty heap away. As I start to look through it my heart sinks, there is so much there and it's really hard to read, I'll never get anywhere.

Slowly I begin to sift through the paperwork, writing down each tiny detail. A woman (about 30-35 with long straight hair) sits with me. "Let's work out what this is all about. Someone's life is at stake- its about someone's life, a record." (I see an image of Beachy Head cliffs.) The documents seem to be about this woman.

Now I find pictures and objects within this pile of papers- there are three knitting needles, maybe 2'6"long, and they are covered in knitted wool in soft,"feminine" pastel shades of flame. The needles remind me of bullfighting spikes or spears or something to do with electricity like lightning rods.

"This was the beginning - one of many projects that never led anywhere." The woman laughs and admits it was another fruitless project. (Am I slightly contemptuous of her? Do I think she doesn't have it in her to create anything deep, anything meaningful?)

There are receipts in this collection. She must have been working, she must have earnt this - sums like £320 and another for a bit less. Modest sums. "Is there a date?" I ask the woman. We look and I arrange them in order.

The pictures I find are black and white newspaper cuttings collaged together and now a heap of old sepia family photos that I drop on the stone floor. I try to pick them up in order but muddle them a bit - never mind, I should be able to sort them out.

I am annoyed that I wake up before the puzzle is solved. There are pages of this novel, for that is what it is, that are maybe in german or russian. (So many times I start a book only to give up because the language is too hard.) This will be difficult language to decode but I know I can and must do it.

Carla's thoughts: This is a very complex dream, and I'm not going to pretend that I can unravel it without help from the dreamer. I have no way of knowing the allusions to Robin's waking life that play out  in this dream, so I will leave it to him to decipher those. Nevertheless, I hope my reactions will help Robin look at his dream with fresh eyes. For me (taking on the dreamer's masculine sex as I look at his dream), the dream is about coming to terms with my anima, a Jungian term for the woman who lives in every man.

The first paragraph of the dream sets the stage: I am working on uncovering a long forgotten aspect of myself. What is to emerge is connected to an unconscious process (the plumbing connections) that I have not recognized as authentic; these deep (we plumb the depths, after all) connections are covered in plastic, a material almost synonymous with phoney. The workmen have an ambivalent role. On the one hand, these manly men (and what's more masculine than a workman in a builder's yard?) are the masculine force in search of its feminine counterpart, and they don't want me to stand in their way. On the other hand, by not allowing me to help, they are obstructing the process. It's not unusual for dreams to have things two different ways simultaneously; after all, if there were no inner conflict we probably wouldn't be having the dream.

The second paragraph introduces a mini resolution, a first step on my way to a kind of internal integration: the men who didn't want me looking into things a moment ago are now ready to accept my help, and I know that I've been given access to the materials that will allow me to uncover the truth. I find out that something buried in the past is responsible for repressing what the the dream is trying to free. Did I keep a handwritten (or drawn) journal at some point in my youth? If so, the dream might be trying to get me to take a look at this time, a period when psychic events occurred that I am still having trouble understanding (the old papers that are hard to read, hard to decipher).

I need to think about the woman who is 30 to 35 years old. Who or what does she represent? Does the woman's long straight hair belong to an actual person or does it stand in for abstract qualities? For example, hair, coming out of the head as it does, can symbolize thoughts. Does this character's straight hair represent straight (and narrow) thoughts? In that case, since every part of my dream reflects some part of me, I am looking at my own straight and narrow thoughts. The woman symbolizes my own inner woman, and the dream is about my attempt to integrate her into my psyche. (Is the dreamer 30 to 35 at the time of this dream?) The men who are dismissive reflect a typical masculine reaction to women, and the dream makes it clear that I share these feelings. Did I let this cultural bias divorce me from my anima who is, in Jungian terms, the source of my spiritual self? In the past Beachy Head cliffs was known for its high number of suicides. By introducing this image my dream is pointing out—rather melodramatically in the way of dreams--how my anima feels about the issue: ("Let's work out what this is all about. Someone's life is at stake- its about someone's life, a record.") The life that is at stake is the inner life of an important part of me.

The knitting needles present a conjunctio, a marriage of opposites: a positive development in this conjoining of the masculine and feminine within my pysche. Knitting needles are associated with a feminine activity, and their function as a feminine symbol is reinforced by their feminine colored covering in the dream. At the same time, the dreamer tells us that “the needles remind me of bullfighting spikes or spears or something to do with electricity like lightning rods,” all very masculine symbols. Put together, these divergent symbols and the flame (enlightenment) that covers them represent the spiritual truth I've been searching for. The project that never led anywhere was my attempt to integrate these two seemingly irreconcilable aspects of myself.

The contempt that I express toward this anima figure encapsulates my dilemma: As an artist, I need to be on excellent terms with my anima! If Jung is right, then she represents the wellspring (there are those plumbing connections again) of my creativity. And yet—that is what I don't trust her to do. I question whether she can “create anything deep, anything meaningful?”

That she has earned some money signifies that I have begun to give her some of the credit that is her due. Not too much; the sums are modest. But at least I've been able to move from seeing everything in black and white to a more nuanced sepia. I'm still confused (I've muddled the picture) and frustrated by the novel (new) and incomprehensible (in a foreign language) puzzle, but I think I'll be able to sort it out. I've made an important beginning with this dream.

Written on the Body

This dream is a good example of how dreams play with images.

The Dream Image: A gash in something that looks like flesh. It’s filled with letters.

Interpretation: The simple vulva shape of the “gash” makes me think this image refers to femininity with its attendant social “castration” (the red gash) that Freud documented. As a woman I feel that what he sees as penis envy has nothing to do with the organ, but everything to do with the limited possibilities woman were afforded before the 1970s. At the same time the letters are a sly wink at DNA, the mysterious sequence that determines who we are. From this point of view the dream says that femininity is at the very core of my being. But wait: this feminine symbol is filled with mail (male): the introduction of the male into the female is at the basis of creation and represents completeness. To limit myself to the feminine is not to see myself in my full potentiality.

Guest Dreamer: Coming Together

Michael has given us this dream, a reaction to the idea of making New Year’s Resolutions.

The Dream: Had a dream last night that spoke to this goal setting approach: I was sitting with my son-in-law’s father, a dentist.  He was frustrated with me that at my age I had not set my career goal related to my PhD work. I replied confidently that I was going to let psyche be my guide this time and that for me to set my goal now makes about as much sense as a 20 year old setting a life's goal at that age. (He mentioned something about drag queens to which I responded with something about American Presidents - but I think that's a bit off topic).

Michael’s Interpretation: When you invite psyche to the table, the goal-setting ego has to move from the head of the table and just be part of the discussion.

Carla: I like Michael’s simple and direct interpretation of his dream. In my version of Michael’s dream the psyche represents my soul, or feminine side; and my son’s father-in-law, my worldly ambition, or masculine side. The basic issue of the dream is the emergence of a new “me” that integrates the masculine and the feminine. I feel that society’s expectations of what I, as a man, should accomplish are out of whack with the things that nurture my soul. At this point in my life I feel it’s right for me to be guided by my soul. Or do I? The American president represents the part of me that still buys into what men are expected to aspire to. But there may be a resolution here (just not one of the New Year's variety): the drag queen represents a compromise of these two warring parts of myself. She symbolizes the masculine and feminine coming together to make me a complete person. Here’s what Jung has to say on the topic:

“What about masculinity? Do you know how much femininity man lacks for completeness? Do you know how much masculinity woman lacks for completeness? You see the feminine in women and the masculine in men. And thus there are always only men and women. But where are the people?”
“. . . . It is good for you once to put on women’s clothes: people will laugh at you, but through becoming a woman you attain freedom from women and their tyranny. The acceptance of femininity leads to completion. The same is valid for the woman who accepts her masculinity.”*

* C.G. Jung, The Red Book Liber Novus, edited by Sonu Shamdasani, translated by Mark Kyburz, John Peck, and Sonu Shamdasani, (New York and London: W.W. Norton & Company, 2009), 265.

The Red Circle

Sometimes a dream can give you an insight that eluded your conscious mind.

The Dream: A round, glowing red circle.

Interpretation: This dream circle explained an artwork I had seen in the Tate a couple of days before that had been puzzling me. The piece was a photo of a man’s very hairy back; the hairs swirled into radiating Van Gogh shapes with soap. The center was so soapy it was white. I didn’t know what to make of this as I looked at it, but after the dream I realized that the photo might be a representation of the natural forces of the sun. And, of course, in myth the sun is identified with masculine forces and energy.

Bogart or Redford: Bogart

Continued from yesterday:
Dream Scene 4: In the pub, I expect to see Robert Redford, but instead find Humphrey Bogart. Bogart is sexy and makes advances as I lie on a bed. After a while I begin to think Redford is not going to show. I feel hurt and decide to go in search of him. I find him in a Western version of a Buddhist colony. He is small, has curly hair, and a young/old face. As I look into his face I see other-worldliness. He has moved on and is no longer interested in earthly things. I begin to think that Bogart might be the better choice.

Interpretation: What sort of masculine energy do I want in my inner man? I thought I wanted the modern, sensitive man: Robert Redford—the sort of man who might go on a Buddhist retreat. But no--I’ll take sex and machismo, the old-fashioned 50s tough guy.

Bogart or Redford: The Bull

Continued from yesterday:
Dream Scene 3: Now I find myself in cow country. I still want to be reunited with Robert Redford. I decide the fastest way to get back to the pub (where we are to meet) is to ride a bull. And the way to get the bull to run the fastest is to hang in front of him from his horns. I position myself thus, thinking he will be angry and try to gore me, running very fast to get to me—but of course won’t be able to because I go with him. We get to the pub; I scuttle the bull at the swinging doors of the place that now looks like the bar in a 50s Western. The bull sits on his haunches quite tamely, looking rather sweet.

Interpretation: Again hints that I’m struggling with the feminine/masculine continuum. Cow country represents the female side of my nature; the bull represents my forceful, masculine energy. I decide to take the bull by its horns. I harness his energy to get me where I want to go; suddenly he is no longer a frightful creature.