Stiff

How does the Psyche  incorporate a society's shift in values? This dream illustrates the process.

The Dream: My mother and I wander through a morgue. We come to a man's body, his head uncovered. With his buzz cut gray hair and square jaw he looks as if he might have been a Marine in the 50s. His color is that of the dead—and clearly he is—but my mother says to him, “If you're not dead you'd better get up, now!” I can see that she doesn't realize he's a corpse, and I try to lead her away.

Interpretation: According to Jung, the father represents society's values, and there are echos of my father, who worked with the Marines, in this figure. With his buzz cut and Marine bearing, the dead man represents the old order, the social framework of the 50s. This social order is dead in the contemporary world, and yet the inner mother part of myself, the part that has inculcated my parents' values, can't quite except it. The part of me that accepts the vast social changes that have occurred since my childhood tries to gently lead “mother” way from the past.

A Woman in Black and White Polka Dots

The Dream Image: A woman in a white dress with large black polka dots. Her hair is black, brushed back in a style reminiscent of the 50s.

Interpretation: In 1950s American things were apparently (if not actually) simpler. Both television screens and world issues were seen in black and white; there were no shades of gray. This dream was triggered by a drawing I made in honor of a very elderly family relative, a figure from my childhood.

Guest Dreamer: Trying to Turn a Corner

Today's guest dreamer, Wild Rice, is having some trouble turning a corner. I'll interpret her dream as if it were my own. Only she knows the personal associations that play a part in her dream, but I hope to give her some ideas about its universal symbols.

The Dream: I was with an older man. He had caramel colored hair. The hair reminds me a little of the sleazy attorney from the TV series “Breaking Bad.” This man wanted me to hypnotize him (I am a Hypnotherapist IRL.)

He had status in the community. He was a high ranking business man. He had a lot of interest in receiving my help. He took my hand in his. Part of the time, he held his arm out, in a chivalrous fashion, for me to take, I took it.

We kept walking along, as we moved from the indoors, down an easy set of wide stairs, and were then suddenly outside. I was very worried what others would think, as this felt very improper to be with him this way. It was a feeling of an illicit affair, or something very wrong.

We had a destination in mind. We were headed toward a place where I could perform the hypnosis for him. I saw others around us, making a similar journey, walking near us. He also had a woman on his left arm. I was on his right. We were moving around a curve then, in this roadway, which had only foot traffic. It was almost like a wide track. It was as if my body were a vehicle that I had to steer. It was difficult to move my body around this curve. I could feel a lot of force pressing against me as I attempted to steer myself to move with him smoothly. It took every ounce of my strength, almost super human strength. I really had to focus. He seemed to do this easily.

*I have had a similar dream on many occasions, where I am on a road, and instead of a car, I only have my body, maybe it’s got a set of wheels on a bare frame under it. I have to move it with my body. It feels so difficult to make the journey home, or to my place of residence. I keep trying to get there, despite the difficult circumstances. Sometimes I have a bike, but no proper car. I am usually on a highway, and the last time I dreamed this, I was at a shady place of town, under the bridge, near the freeway exit. There is usually hardly any traffic in these dreams.

Carla's commentary: An older man who lives in my psyche both attracts and repels me. Who he might be based on in waking life only Wild Rice can say. His caramel hair suggests something appealing--warmth and sweetness--but at the same time alludes to something unsavory (the sleazy attorney). As the dream ego I want to forget about him: his request that I hypnotize him is my own desire to move him into my unconscious (put him to sleep). It's difficult for me to do this for several reasons. For one thing, he is important to me (he has status in the community). Perhaps he is associated with the part of me that is successful in the world (he is a high-ranking businessman) or maybe I am intimidated by his status. And there's another aspect to “businessman:” what do they wear? Suits. Is he my suitor? That he needs my help, takes my hand, and offers his arm tells me that what he represents is a part of me, or of my life, that I need to integrate rather than push away from my conscious awareness. When I take the arm he offers I am taking the first step.

Once I've taken the step toward acknowledging this uncomfortable part of my inner life and I walk outside, into the “open” with it, I have immediate misgivings. It feels wrong and improper. My feelings about the impropriety are centered on what others will think more than on what I think, yet they might be telling me that there's something I need to look at that is socially or culturally unacceptable.

We are headed for a destination, but at this point in the dream I've circled back to my original goal of “hypnotizing,” or “putting to sleep” this uncomfortable psychic element. Suddenly another woman is with us. In my dream, this 2nd woman is my mother, and the thing I want to put to sleep is my oedipal desire to monopolize my father. My body has become mechanical—a vehicle I must steer (control) in spite of the fact that I find it very difficult. I've lost touch with my body in order to deaden feelings I find inappropriate. This conundrum has thrown me a curve (the curved track), and I'm having a difficult time negotiating my path. I need to resolve this particular issue so that I can find my way home, that is, to the place where my authentic self can reside comfortably.

More Possibilities than I Thought

The Dream: I have grown my hair out, and it lies fine and lanky below my shoulders. It's a boring gray/brown color, and although I look youngish I think that the long, fine, dull hair ages me. Then it occurs to me that I can change it. I can curl my hair to give it body. Then I see myself with vibrantly colored red/gold/brown hair, thick and luxuriant, styled with an upward flip at the ends.

Interpretation: Going with the idea that my hair, coming out of my head, is a symbol for my thoughts, the dream shows me changing my dull, lackluster thinking for something new and exciting. The dream message? There's a change I can make, and I'll be glad I did.

Who Has Come Back?

The Dream: I am in a bedroom. I look into a mirror and see a smudge of a little girl I thought had gone. I turn to the left and, standing next to the bed I see the girl, very pretty with blond curls, smiling at me. “Katie!” I say, astonished. I feel both surprised and scared, as if seeing someone who had returned from the dead.

Interpretation: I had been looking back over past “baby” dreams from a year ago. What does this small, childish, nearly gone, hard to see (smudge in the mirror) part of myself represent? The curls remind me of age 7, a time when I was out-spoken, before self-control--or repression, or conformity--took over. I see her in the mirror (she mirrors me; she is me). Am I still afraid of her uncensored reaction to life? Even if I am, I'm glad she isn't dead.

I Don't Get It; Or Do I?

The Dream: I'm in my studio. A woman, a teacher, comes in. She is youngish, about 35 to 40, slim, blonde, curly hair. She is an attractive woman but seems middle-of-the-road, not too interesting. Yet she gets to make decisions about whose art is seen.

She lets me know that my art has been under consideration for some time. “On the one hand, you get it,” she says. “On the other, you don't.” I try to figure out what she means by this enigmatic statement. She lets me know that the judges were somewhat encouraged when I did a piece that seemed to support the police. Unlike, she said, most of my work. I am confused. I have nothing against the police. She lets me know that they consider my skill level impressive but don't care for my subject matter. In a way I'm encouraged by this: she and the “panel” seem so much a part of the mediocre herd that I think it's probably a good sign if they don't care for what I do. I think the day will come when my work will be appreciated. In a way I'm relieved that it is unusual enough to cause these “judges” difficulty.

Interpretation: Was this dream the result of going to a quilt show and perhaps feeling at an unconscious level that the work was beautifully executed but lacking in a higher purpose? Is this what I think, or fear, about my own work? There is certainly a parallel between quilting and my egg tempera painting—both require meticulous attention to craft. The police metaphor refers to the self discipline that this sort of work requires, and it seems the dream underlines some not too surprising ambivalence toward it. In the end I accept, even welcome, the place where I am.

Conversation with My Cousin

The Dream: Cousin Sandra looks ill. Her drawn and suffering face is topped by a slightly curly, dirty blonde wig. She is saying that she had thought my father was the nice one (our fathers were siblings) until I informed her otherwise. I want to correct this impression I've left her with. I try to tell her that he was, indeed, a wonderful man—but she doesn't hear me. I can't seem to get her attention.

Interpretation: Sandra represents the part of myself that suffered childhood hurts, is still suffering from them, and thinks, therefore, that Dad is not nice. The dream points out, first of all, that these thoughts are not accurate: hair represents thoughts; my Sandra hair is phony (a wig). In addition, its bright color (blonde), symbolizing illumination, is obscured by being “dirty.” In other words, while I could be thinking something that would shed some light on the subject, I'm not. This is my first clue that I need to update my inner child's way of looking at things. My inner adult, the part played by the dream ego, sees life in all its complexity and difficulty, and realizes what a good man Dad was. I want to give this realization to the sick “child” but can't get her attention. In the dream Sandra thinks poorly of her own father. This Sandra part of me is not willing, not yet, to relinquish this opinion of “the father.”

Getting to the Root of Things

The Dream: I look in the mirror and see that my hair is growing in very dark brown. About two-thirds is its current color, a sun-streaked dark blonde, and the third near the roots is a rich and shiny dark brown. I am surprised it isn't gray, although I do notice a few gray hairs—silver and shiny—mixed in. I try to decide if I should color it my customary blonde or let it grow in brown. I like it, but I wonder if a rich brown color will look phony on someone my age. I show it to the rest of the family to get their reaction.

Interpretation: I look at myself and see that something new and rich is pushing out of my head: I have a new way of thinking. It is flecked with experience (gray), but even this is shiny and exciting (silver). It will take a while for this transformation to take place: it's only one-third complete. Should I go forward? Or am I past it (too old for this)? What will my family think?

The Indignities of Old Age

The Dream: Clark and I are in LA, going to see Clark's mother. When we get to our destination it is my mother we see, not his. She is incredibly old, tiny, and practically hairless. Clark keeps trying to get her to talk—she's lying curled up on a bed—and he wants her to get dressed so we can take her out. He is being kind, but I can feel the desperation in his voice. She seems more dead than alive, but she pulls herself out of bed saying, “I get enough exercise lurching around here.” When she “walks” she is bent over at a 90 degree angle.

She goes over to a nearby toilet and sits down, with no self-consciousness whatsoever. Her dark blue trousers are at her feet as she sits on the toilet. I go over to her. She laughs. She's laughing at finding herself in this ridiculous situation: elderly, frail, sitting on a toilet in front of others. It's a short burst of cognition. I put my arms around her and say, “You're a good sport; God bless you.” Then I feel myself ready to dissolve into tears.

Interpretation: This dream, like most dreams, is trying to come to terms with life's difficulties. In this case the problem is the inevitability of aging, of watching those we love diminish, and of making the connection that as they go so will we. The animus figure Clark wants to overcome the problem with practical action—get dressed, talk, go out: in other words, carry on. The desperation in his voice tells me that even he doesn't think these measures will work. It is the aging person herself, accepting the inevitable with humor and a dignity that transcends her situation, who shows the way.

Wrestling with Heavy Issues

Something that has happened in the recent past usually triggers a particular dream. But there is always a reason that, of all the things that happen every day, our dreams focus on the particular thing they choose.

The Dream: A woman with dark curly hair is in a wrestling arena, lying on the floor of the rink as if in bed. She is supposed to be recounting her dreams for a panel of dream experts, but instead she is telling us about her life experiences. I don’t feel qualified to comment on these.

Interpretation: This dream was triggered by The Dr. Phil Show that had a segment on dreams shortly before I had this one. While I had commented on some posts about dreams that had been generated by the show on the program’s website, some people had written about serious personal problems, and I didn’t feel comfortable commenting on those. But to bring the dream’s meaning home to my life: the recent deaths of two friends have left me wrestling with some heavy issues. The sports arena is the symbolic venue for the struggle. My life experience, so far, hasn’t given me the means to work through these difficulties. But if I can get away from dealing with the problem rationally (through life experience) and give it over to the dream expert (my own inner wisdom) I might find a way to cope.

Yet Another Brown Baby

What does it mean when famous people appear in our dreams? To figure this out we need to take a look at which aspects of ourselves they represent.

The Dream: Obama is having an affair, and a brown baby is the result. I go to see the baby with some trepidation. I am a relative, perhaps the grandmother. Obama’s paramour has short curly brown hair and a soft and acquiescent feminine affect. She is a woman who stays in the background; she lacks assertiveness. She’s a shadowy, if central, player.

I am disappointed in Obama for being unfaithful to Michelle, but he says he “needs a rest.” I can see his current lover would be just that, and that Michelle’s relentlessly high standards could be hard to live with. I begin to understand, and accept, his behavior, but I think the baby will nevertheless be an embarrassment.

Then I meet the baby and am completely charmed. He is a beautiful shade of brown with an egg-shaped, slightly conical head. He wears red glasses and—just like the baby in the last dream—is preternaturally smart. I am very drawn to him and want to hold him.

Interpretation: In the dream Obama represents my ego, the central organizing force of my personality. His paramour is my shadow feminine side (She’s a shadowy, if central, player). I need a rest from the demanding part of my personality (Michelle); this is the part that drives me to work too hard and never seems satisfied with my accomplishments. My weaker, intuitive side (the shadow feminine) has produced something that feels illegitimate (the baby born out of wedlock). This makes me uneasy, and there’s a strong hint that what makes me uneasy is my fear of social opprobrium. But the reality of the baby changes everything; this new life that is being born in my psyche is something important and elemental (brown like the earth). This is something to embrace.

She's Trying to Tell Me Something

The Dream: I’m in a field. I see a head in a circle. I know the person has died and that this vision is very unusual. Even more unusual, the head—a youngish woman with brown hair—speaks to me. Something about this seems shamanistic or prophetic.

Interpretation: This dream points out that I am on my way toward resolving the conflict that the last several dreams have emphasized: social demands versus private needs. Tony Crisp says that a field (the place I see my dream vision) represents natural feelings or inclinations, or as he puts it: “freedom from social pressure, and the feeling you have about yourself when away from other people.”  The head that speaks to me is the part of me that I have enclosed in a protective circle and that has been quiet for so long I think she’s dead. Her speaking to me feels like a prophecy, a hopeful sign that I will begin to listen more closely to my awakened inner voice.

Guest Dreamer: Goodbye Kiss

Our guest dreamer today is Hunky, whose father recently died.  She has asked me to interpret her dream. An important part of dream interpretation is that the dreamer is the final authority on the meaning of her dream. When I comment about her—or anyone’s—dream I am inevitably talking about what the dream would mean to me had I dreamt it. So I’ll discuss Hunky’s dream as if it were my dream.

The Dream: Dad lies on his bed, dead.  He is small and thin, half the size he used to be.  His skin stretches tightly over his forehead and cheekbones.  His gray hair is still course and thick.  His head tilts slightly backward and his mouth is wide open.

My brother Tom stands next to the bed and looks down at his father.  He goes to a faucet and turns it on.  He fills his mouth with water, swishes, then spits it out.  He fills his mouth again and walks back to Dad.  He leans down and puts his mouth on Dad’s mouth.  Tom is using his tongue to clean his father’s mouth.  He is thoroughly swabbing all surfaces of the inside of Dad’s mouth.  Then Tom sucks the foul water back into his own mouth, turns his back and spits it out.


Carla’s projection: In his lifetime my father was a difficult person. Now that he is gone I am reassessing the man who loomed so large in my psyche, and I see him differently. (He’s now half the size he used to be.) His death is not only literal, but also symbolic as his role in my life diminishes.

My brother Tom is an animus figure in this dream; in other words, he is the strong, active part of me. It is significant that I (in the guise of my brother) am the one that turns on the faucet, which represents the flow of emotions now under my control. As I take the water into my mouth I experience the full range of my feelings—love, hate, grief, release—I swish these all around and then I spit them out, signaling that I’m done with these.

Next I (through Tom) work to purify my father.  By cleaning father's mouth I wish to cleanse him of the words, actions, and non-actions that had caused much pain.  I cleanse him, and--like the Buddhists who breathe in evil and breathe out love and peace--I transform my father by taking his failings into my own mouth and spitting them out.  As I transform my father I transform myself: he becomes the father I want, I become the woman I want to be. I am free.


Hunky, the dreamer, says: Understanding my father’s severe personality disorder makes forgiveness easier.  I believe forgiveness is a part of the message.  Maybe one of these days I'll have a dream that acknowledges the positive ways he influenced me.

What’s Making My Head Hurt?

The Dream: I am in a large house. I hear my child crying out to me in distress. I don’t want to deal with her problem: I feel tired, but the insistence of her call provokes me to look for her. As I wander the hallways “in search of” I begin to feel distressed and worried, anxious to find her. A little panicky.

I find her in a room full of children, a primary school classroom. My child sits off to the left on a narrow table set at an oblique angle to the rest of the children, who sit quietly facing the front. She looks as I did at age seven, with blonde curly hair. There’s a big bandage across her head. She sees me, but does not acknowledge me. She wants no part of mother. I awaken as from a nightmare.

Interpretation: In the dream I have dark hair: I’ve become my mother. My child, with blonde hair (unlike my waking life daughter), is me. The well-behaved children who sit so quietly are passive receivers of instruction: cowed, proper, all alike, a nice row of good children. Something has whacked my (inner) child on the head, and she’s gained some independence, but at a cost. The adults who surround her are benign; she’s enjoying their attention as well as the empowerment that comes with rejecting her mother, who has arrived too late. Was age seven when I began to go my own way? To realize Mother can’t save me?

My Daughter’s Haircut

I’ve started a new dream journal, which always feels like a fresh beginning. I had hoped to have an interesting dream to kick off the event, but the little I remember of this one doesn’t seem so—at least it didn’t until I thought about it. Now I can see the dream is pointing out the part of myself I need to stick up for.

The Dream: My daughter has a new haircut. I’m talking to a woman who works at the salon, who tells me that my daughter was charged $300.00 but should have paid only $90.00. I say I will tell her; the salon worker doesn’t want me to. She wants the shop to retain its ill-gotten gain.

Interpretation: Hair, coming out of my head, represents my ideas; the new hairdo tells me something is changing. Since it is my child whose hair is different, the dream points out that I’m coming to a new understanding of the role my inner child plays in my contemporary life. I feel she has paid too dearly (been overcharged) for her creativity (new ideas).  I protest her mistreatment, but as far as this dream goes I do nothing but threaten to squeal. Since I can see this mistreatment is unfair, I hope that in a future dream I will fight harder for my child’s rights.

My Cup Runs Over

The Dream: I am at a church function, in a crowded hall filled with chairs and circular tables. The light level is dim; it is noisy and busy. I am in a long line of people waiting, cafeteria style, to get food. The person dispensing the food has the outgoing charm of a bartender. He is bright and shiny, with curly blond hair and angelic good looks. He is,in fact, the vicar. I’m aware that I think very highly of him.

When my turn comes I order a chicken sandwich. The vicar seems to work efficiently, but time goes by, and my food does not appear. After a while I see a tray near me and take it, soon realizing it’s not a chicken sandwich but has a small round quiche and some delicious looking salads. “Umm,” I think “this is clearly someone else’s, but it looks better than what I ordered so I’ll take it. I’m sure the other person will be able to sort it out.” I am feeling just that little bit uneasy about taking someone else’s food, which may have cost more than my chicken sandwich, but expediency wins the day, and I go on my way with my ill gotten gain, looking for a free table. I’m also looking forward to eating this delicious plate of food.

But wait! Now I notice that the lovely round quiche is half-eaten, with clear little bite marks where the rest of the quiche should be. I have someone’s half-eaten dinner. “Shall I eat it anyway?” I wonder. The thought of a stranger’s germs becomes too distasteful; I get back into the food line in order to exchange this meal for my chicken sandwich.

Anne Dyer

The Dream: I am sitting behind a woman with curly blond hair. I say something; she recognizes my voice and turns. It is Ann Dyer. She says she likes my short hair, but it is apparent we are evaluating each other, noticing if we’ve aged. We didn’t even recognize each other--at least not by sight, only by voice. 

Interpretation: Since hair comes out of the head, it can represent our thoughts. In this case the hair is blond, so the thoughts might represent a sort of enlightenment. The lady’s name, Ann Dyer, is the clue to the meaning of this dream. My mother’s name is Ann, and she has died. She likes my short hair; she’s trying to tell me that my thoughts are limited by my earthly status, but that’s okay. We struggle to recognize each other, as we now live in different dimensions. I can no longer see my mother; but her voice (my inner voice) remains.

My Inner Light

The Dream: I’m on a playground. A group of girls are playing basketball. At first I am accepted, but things change, and I am excluded. I don’t have anyone to practice with: their skills improve as mine deteriorate.

There is a girl with very bright blond bobbed hair. She is graceful and athletic, like a goddess in her charisma. She used to be my best friend, but now prefers another. I am upset and jealous, but then I wonder if the blond girl is a lesbian. Would I have been expected to accept a lover-relationship had we remained close friends? Her new girlfriend is very petite with should-length dark hair.

Interpretation: In the previous dream I failed to take the challenge my unconscious offered. Now I see the result: If I avoid the struggle I lose capability. We can’t stand still in this world. If we try, we fall into what Jung calls “undeveloped persistence.”

My inner goddess (the bright-haired girl), who should be leading me forward, deserts me. This representative of my inner light wants more love and devotion than I can muster at the moment. The part of me that is in touch with this inner light (the new girlfriend) is still tiny (very petite).

Falling Apart

The Dream: An elderly lady is failing. She is very beautiful and still sought after as a sage and speaker. She is lying on a bed, her hair coiffed and looking quite the grande dame. She is giving a lecture. A man comes over. I whisper in his ear: “Can’t we move her to a better spot, the like podium across the hall?” The lady overhears me and starts to fail before my eyes. Clearly my suggestion, while well-meant, is too much for her. She can’t make the move to a more public forum.

Interpretation: The last dream gave me a warning about too much self analysis. This dream suggests the dangers inherent in publicizing my dreams.  A beautiful and wise part of me is very fragile; it must remain private if it is to survive.

Mother’s Birdcage Hairdo

One of the most difficult things we do as humans is to try to come to terms with the loss of our loved ones. The grieving process goes on for years, as the next couple of dreams demonstrate.

The Dream: My mother has had her hair done by my hairdresser. It’s something like my style but with an extra feature: a configuration of hair that resembles a birdcage coming up from her scalp. I’m trying to reassure her that she looks good with this “updated” hairdo, but neither of us is convinced.

Interpretation: If hair represents our thoughts, having my mother’s hair done by my hairdresser reflects my wish to make her think as I do. But since she died some years ago, the unconscious lets me know this isn’t possible. Her hair instead becomes a birdcage. Birds represent the spirit; her thoughts, or my thoughts about her, have formed a place where her spirit can dwell (the hair twisted into a birdcage). I am not ready to release her from this earthly life, so I don’t care for her updated hairdo, but I try to accept it for both of us by telling her, however unconvincingly, that it looks good on her.