Oblivion

The Dream: This dream was like thinking, only thinking while asleep. In the dream I thought that when you die, that's it. No afterlife, no spirit living on. It's over. Then I thought that all that is left of my dearly loved brother is the little pile of ashes that we deposited in the Petrified Forest.

Interpretation: My brother's ashes were taken to the Petrified Forest because he had once expressed a wish to be fossilized when he died, and this was the closest thing his son could think of. Upon awakening I felt that this dream probably—I hate to admit it—reflects what I believe happens when we die. This is cold comfort indeed.

Guest Dreamer: I Fly Too High

Bhilal 's dream, while very short, is long on archetypes.
The Dream: I'm flying and doing very well at it learning how to navigate but abruptly I feel a fear of going too high and losing control so I come down. I land on top of a white building. I examine looking for a way to get down...can't find one and I realize I can no longer fly in order to get down.

Carla's thoughts: I'll respond to Bhilal 's dream as if it were my own. As the dream opens I'm flying. I'm above it all and doing well, learning how to navigate the things in my life that need to be dealt with. But soon I see the answer is not to try to get around them. My dream tells me I need to come back down to earth, in other words, deal with my situation realistically. As I soar I feel myself losing control (I can't escape), so I decide to land, finding myself on a white building. The color white hints that the grounded part of myself (the building that is a bridge between me and the earth) will lead me to my true path (enlightenment).

There's another aspect to building: what's being built is something I'm creating, something that's in the process of becoming. For the moment I'm stuck, and that realization might be what I need in order to move on. Something has changed. Something that once was appropriate, something that once worked for me (flying) no longer does. The task the dream sets me is to figure out a new way to come safely back down to earth.

No Release

The Dream: I am dressing for an event, feeling rushed. There are several women with me, and one is an artist friend. I put on a pair of black silk trousers, wide-legged. I'm wearing a white blouse. I add a black sweater/jacket, not quite as out-dated as the trousers. My friend tells me this looks fine, and while I know it's lacking in style and out-dated I decide there's no time to come up with anything better.

I have to go to the bathroom. I'm in a public toilet stall and try to pee, but find I can't. I give up, feeling uncomfortable.

Interpretation: I'm dressed in the traditional mourning colors, black and white. I look for a release (going to the toilet) that doesn't come. The clothes are out-dated; this tells me that the grief I'm experiencing is not only current, but from the past as well. My inner artist (the friend) thinks these clothes are appropriate; perhaps she is more in touch with the old pain that needs expression.

I'm in a toilet stall; indeed,being unable to find the needed release has stalled me. I will feel uncomfortable until I can let it out.

An Unnatural Split

The Dream: This vaguely remembered dream featured a park with a small adjacent area that held a parking lot and a public toilet. My companion and I are working to get the park commission to incorporate this area into the park.

Scene switch to sex. I feel I should be more sexually engaged, more responsive and demonstrative.

Interpretation: The park area represents an idealistic, unsullied nature: pure spirit without body. But what about the split off parking lot? It's in the shape of the pubis and contains a toilet. That evokes the passage from Yeat's Crazy Jane Talks to the Bishop in which she says that “Love has pitched his mansion in / The place of excrement.” * This fastidious splitting off of the physical from the spiritual means that my libido, or life force, is not joined to my soul. My inner psychic forces are working to marry the two (they should have sex), and if they don't succeed I'll be parked in the Park, living a half life in an unrealistic place that represents a nature without worms or flies, a place that doesn't exist. Again from Crazy Jane: “For nothing can be sole or whole / That has not be rent.”*

*For the rest of the poem as well as an interesting discussion of its meaning, one that is relevant to this dream, see Poetry .

Unexpected Outcomes

The Dream: There's a German who works very methodically, but in the end his work appears chaotic. A Mexican works in a chaotic, disorganized way, but his work emerges clean and clear.

Interpretation: Things do not proceed according to stereotypes. I have expectations of myself, of the way I work and what will come of it. They need to be reexamined. I can't rely on my inner German to solve things with his methodical approach, but need to trust my inner Mexican's intuitive approach. The process might look messy, but it wins out in the end. I expect that ultimately I need them both, and my task is to teach them how to get along.

The Bitter Pill

The Dream: I am having stomach trouble and take some pills to alleviate it. Without reading the directions I decide that if one is good, five are better, so I take a handful. Then I read the packet's label that warns to take no more than one. I quickly spit out the oblong white pills. Most are whole, some are in pieces as if partially chewed. I hope that what I ingested will have mounted to no more than one pill.

Interpretation: I am swallowing the bitter pill of my brother's sudden death, an event that is so very hard to accept, to take in. It's too much to swallow, and dangerous to do so. The stomach pain symbolizes my emotional pain.

The Present Presents Problems

The Dream: I'm with a group of people in a foreign country. Someone is giving away her things. A large group of old glass items comes up; they are dusty and wrapped in tissue. The disburser looks in my direction as she describes the lot, and I wonder if these objects are for me. How should I respond? Should I gush a bit, so she will know I'm grateful? I like these pieces; they are lovely and might be antiques, but at the same time they present some problems: I have no place to put them; the items are too much for me to carry; they would be expensive to ship, and they are fragile and could break. To top it off, I'm not sure if they are meant for me, and I know I'll feel like a fool if I act as though they are being given to me and then realize they aren't. As it turns out, the disburser has been looking in my direction because the objects are being given to the woman sitting behind me.

Interpretation: I'm in new territory (a foreign country) with the dilemma my dream presents (that potential gift). It must be something that's currently happening (the present), yet it hearkens back to something old (antique) and obscure (it's dusty, wrapped in tissue). As my unconscious attempts to unload these things she no longer wants, I struggle to come to terms with them. (How should I respond?) Once I've gone over all the reasons why I can't deal with this “gift” I side step the problem by denying it altogether. It really wasn't meant for me.