Cast Not the First Stone

The Dream: I'm in a living room with a long mural that I had painted, made up of several separate pieces the same dimensions as a series of family history embroideries I had made in waking life. My brother and his friend have painted over the mural to shift the color to a different, warm shade of brown. They are pleased with themselves and feel this is an improvement. I am incensed, perhaps even more so because it is a rather nice shade. I yell at them enthusiastically, but it seems they are impervious to my attacks; as people used to say, “They couldn't care less.” I'm as frustrated by their lack of seeing the insult they've perpetrated as I am by what they did. “You have denigrated my work!” I say.

Getting no satisfaction from them, I declare that I will never again come into this room. The next scene, however, finds me in it. My brother is now without his mocking friend. I try again to get him to see the gravity of his sin, and he says, “Now you know how I felt when you . . . . “ I don't remember what he accused me of, but I do remember I had done what he said, and that I, like him, had been unaware of its impact on the other.

Interpretation: The dream was triggered by a falling out between a couple of distant family members, and my realization that their anger and frustration with each other is rooted in their shared past (the family history embroideries).

The dream has an interesting resolution: I go back into the living room (the place where I live) and realize that I have done exactly the same thing that I was angry at my brother for doing. In other words, I've taken on the role that a family member once played: since I do the same thing that my dream brother has done, I am the critic who denigrates my work. I am doing it to myself.

The dream tells me a few important things: First, it's time to lighten up. Second, it is time to learn how to accept a good criticism (the new color is actually an improvement), and third, my family history holds the key to my overly critical thoughts.

Mother is Tired

The Dream: I'm in a house like the one I grew up in. My mother is there, as are a lot of family members. There's lots of chaos and activity. Mother and I are happy to be with everyone, but also tired from the strain of entertaining. Trying to keep the house in order with so many people carelessly putting their stuff everywhere has worn us out. When everyone leaves mother and I chat about not wanting to be the mother anymore. We're tired. There's too much to clean up after the party.

Interpretation: The dream was probably triggered by my anxiety over a large home improvement project and my desperate attempt to keep the house and garden in order during the process. I'm not happy with being “mother.” The dream points out that we, my introjected mother and I, see our role mostly in terms of the onerous responsibility to clean up after others. “Mother” generally refers to the entire feminine role of nurturing as well as house keeping, but our fatigue is specifically caused by the chore aspect of the role. The party is fun; the people are loved and respected; it's the dull cleaning up and trying to keep the space under control that's the problem. The dream is telling me to pay more attention to the people and the party and less to keeping order.

Taking the Wrong Vehicle to Escape

The Unconscious experiences the vulnerability of women in this dream.
The Dream: Three couples are sharing a vacation rental. One of the husbands is charming and well-regarded, a very popular guy who is the mayor of his town. His attractive Asian / Indian wife bustles about attending the needs of the family. I'm cleaning up in the kitchen. It soon becomes apparent to me that the man is a pedophile who molests young boys, and that his wife is complicit in covering this up.

I'm on my way to the shopping center in a white rental car, and the man gets in with me. He's all charm, as usual. We park in a large garage and walk toward the supermarket, crossing a large parking lot. He makes a pass, and when I resist he gets ugly. He shows me a small closet near the market with its own door and tells me he intends to rent it and use it to seduce young boys. He grabs me—he's very strong—and I know he's planning to rape me. I tell him, in all sincerity, that my husband will kill him, but he couldn't care less about my threats. I holler for people to call the police. One woman says,“What are you making such a fuss about?—just go along with it!”

My shouting distracts him, and I manage to escape. When I run back to the garage I have a new problem: I am unable to find the car.  I don't even remember what it looks like. I am very frightened that the man will find me. It occurs to me that if I press one of the buttons on the key chain it will cause the car to beep. Sure enough, it works; I find a car, a long black station wagon. The seat seems to be in the right position, so even though I'm not sure this is the right car I take off. I become more and more concerned that it isn't my car: I notice the rear view mirror is not correctly aligned.

As I drive on one of the ramps I notice, barely, a woman in a wheel chair in front of my car. Despite my best effort to stop I can't, and I hit her. I jump out of the car, apologizing profusely. Luckily she was not injured.

I wonder if the police will stop me for stealing the car. Would they believe my story?—probably not. When I was in the altercation with the man I realized that most likely no one would believe it, and he would get away with all his crimes.

I go to a place in the garage where there's an office; a superintendent of something or other sits at a desk. A young woman with dark hair, foreign looking with a tear-stained face, has just reported her car stolen. She is the owner of the car I've taken. Realizing this I apologize, again profusely, and feel I can clear this up for her. I'm relieved to be able to do the right thing.

Interpretation: Some horrific current events triggered this dream. In the news was a woman executed by the Taliban—her husband delivering the fatal blow. Her crime? She had been abducted and raped. A football player on my local team had been accused of sexual assault, and NPR featured a program on rape. “How would I deal with such a situation?” my unconscious asked.

In the dream I am acutely aware that I have no physical defense, and my attempted verbal defense is useless as well. I experience the awful feeling of being over-powered. Luckily, I mange to flee.

The dream made me aware of the age-old difficulty that women have had in being believed when they report sexual predation. I realize that it is more than likely that no one would listen to me, sympathize, or even believe me. With that dream experience I think I came close to what victims of sexual assault feel. The man's reputation was such that he would not be questioned or suspected. There have been many accounts in the news lately of trusted figures who got away with atrocities for years: a beloved BBC host, Catholic priests, golf coaches, others like Sandusky, and so on. In the dream the man's position helps him to cover up his crimes; his own wife is an enabler. Society's point of view is reflected in the woman in the parking lost who tells me to get over it.

I do escape, but in doing so I come very close to harming other women. My car, once white, is now black and hearse like. I drive into one woman in a wheelchair and steal another's car. The metaphor is that although in waking life I've managed to “escape” these horrors, by turning a blind eye I hurt other, vulnerable women. I apologize for this in the dream, and hope to make things right. In reality, I wonder, what can do?

The Thief

The Dream: I see a man entering apartments in an old building that closely resembles an apartment building I once lived in. He has a rectangular device somewhat bigger than a cell phone that he puts up to a locked door, and it opens immediately. I am surprised at how easy this is. I watch him open a couple of apartments this way. Then he comes to the apartment where my friends / family are having a party. As he attempts to enter I grab him, unsure about whether or not I'll be able to overcome him. I yell to the others to “Call 911!” They come to my aid, and we subdue him.

Interpretation: The phrase that came to my mind when I thought about this dream was the “thief of time.” Is the cell phone an “I” phone? Am I unlocking some old doors, and having a difficult time with what I find? The setting is dark and gloomy, the badly lit stairwell and hall of an old tenement something like my mother's Brooklyn apartment and my own apartment on 90th street in Manhattan. The intruder, Time, has gone into these places where family and friends once lived and stolen them, leaving me calling for help. Life goes on; with the help of other friends I subdue this thief, at least for a while.

Guest Dreamer: Zebra Run and Flow

Guest dreamer Openfoot has contributed today's magical dream. You can read more of his dreams and check out his artwork here.
Openfoot's Dream: I stand on Yorkshire cliffs high above the sea. A large fishing boat is just leaving the bay. Under the surface of the bay a huge grey cloud can be seen clearly revealing that the shoal of fish the boat has been targeting is still there. Now I'm flying and moving towards the shoal, at first flying over it but then diving underwater. Here great shapes appear, the shadows of Orca, Killer Whales. I watch them lunge through the shoal and then on to pursue individual fish. Now, and to my great surprise, a herd of underwater zebra "gallop", with little apparent effort, through water as they too pursue the small fish. This herd of "sea horses" are amazing.

Now standing at a lakeside, the zebra emerge from its still waters. In my position at right angles to the galloping herd I watch them move along the shore. I am in wonder. This is remarkable. They seem to have brought the water of the lake with them. As they begin to enter open woodland the "water" of the lake fills all the air and space. It's mostly invisible but you get the odd shimmer to indicate its presence. The movements of the zebra herd, although now very free, seem just as if they were still running under the sea.

The rest of my family arrive and I urge them to watch this wondrous scene. I continue to express my amazement and delight. The zebra seem to be having great fun as they duck under branches and leap over bramble patches, demonstrating great grace and agility.

Carla's thoughts: Tony Crisp says that “deeply unconscious processes are often depicted by fish” and that fishing can symbolize “a receptive state of consciousness which allows the deep insights or processes to become known.”

If this were my dream, it would be about my movement toward a more expansive, intuitive understanding of my place in the world and a more joyful experience of life. Life abounds in my dream, but in the beginning I am looking down on it from a lofty cliff; I'm far above the sea. So I go “fishing” for something else. A bay is more constricted than the sea, and as I leave this more confined space I see a huge gray cloud, representing a shoal of fish. As I progress through my dream, I notice the proportion of gray to black and white reverses. At this early point, my quest lacks clarity, and so it appears huge and gray. The resolution I experience in the dream will be symbolized by the proportion of black, white and gray in the dream animals.

I'm in pursuit, and what I'm after is the resolution of a conflict I'm feeling between my personal and my group identity. Can I be my true self in a group? Fish in a shoal band together, but do not coordinate their movements as do those in a school. I am sociable, but not immersed in the herd. I investigate this community from above and below: I fly above it; I dive beneath it. As I watch, the shadowy Orca, another great gray shape, goes after “individual” fish. Being an individual is clearly a scary and vulnerable thing to be. But wait! Something is coming into focus for me: the Orca is mostly a black and white creature, with only a small gray area over its dorsal fin. My confusion (the gray area) has shrunk. With the appearance of the zebra I have resolved my conflict: these creatures have no gray areas at all. I am free to be me!

The zebra leave the sea; as they come out of the water I gallop toward a rebirth. I am at right angles to them (I see them correctly, from the right angle or viewpoint). Magical and mysterious and wonderful imagery tells me that I have had an epiphany. The zebra have brought the water of the lake (the mists of the mythical Avalon) with them. Their shimmer is my enlightenment. I watch in wonder, sharing the moment with those dearest to me. I am in sync both with my family (the community of man) and with my natural and unique self.

Brilliant Children

The Dream: I'm in a room with adults and young children who are joyfully running around. At some point a little boy, quite a hefty little tyke, ensconces himself on my lap. I'm surprised he's so comfortable with someone he doesn't know, although he is a family connection of some sort. When I figure out who he is, I realize he's very young, 18 months to 2 years, but very big for his age and very precocious. I'm amazed at how quickly he's grown. It's lovely holding him. I pat his waist. We chat and again I am struck by such a young child having such a grown up conversation. His mother is busy with the boy's younger brother. Later there are older children, boys, around 8 years old, who speak like university professors. How can they be so intelligent?

Interpretation: Something wonderful has been growing, very quickly. I like it; I'm surprised by it. I get pleasure from interacting with this precocious “baby.” Consciously, I don't know what it is. I need to be on the look-out for clues.

The clues this dream gives me are that the thing has substance (it's hefty), and that while whatever it is seems new to me, it's actually something familiar that I don't recognize (there's a family connection). The precocity that is emphasized hints that this is something that knows too much for its age: in other words, I have gotten ahead of myself and must wait for things to develop in due course.

A Place of Enchantment

From time to time a dream gives a glimpse of a unified and happy psyche.

The Dream: I am in a city apartment building with a friend or colleague and knock on a door. When a young woman answers I describe myself as a home health worker, although even as I say it I'm not sure that's quite accurate. It's my job to check on the welfare of children and families.

The woman is young and lives in an apartment with one large, high ceilinged room; there is a separate kitchen with an eat-in area off to the left. She lives with a man and their two daughters. What has me impressed, and even excited, is the way so many aspects of life have been integrated into this one space. The place is beautifully furnished,with a dark wood hutch to the left. There's a large bed in the middle of the room, and the clutter of children's toys and activities all around. The woman is bathing one of her daughters in a portable tub on top of the bed. The combination of the elegant furnishings and the joyous activity strikes me as wonderful. No conflict here between tidiness and the necessary business of life. The mother is completely comfortable with the low level of chaos, and it doesn't feel chaotic here,but rather serene and lovely.

Later I am invited to the wedding of the woman and the man. I go into the kitchen / eating nook. There is a window over the table and the spot looks bright and airy. “Look,” I say to my companion, “there's only one window, yet the entire place seems so bright and cheerful.”

Interpretation: The home health worker represents the part of me tasked with assessing inner harmony. She checks on the welfare of the various components of my psyche, symbolized by the children and families. In this unusual dream, it seems I've taken a step toward a synthesis of the sometimes discordant players in my inner world. The elegant and refined environment of the home, a symbol of this inner world, feels spacious and is full of beautiful and chaotic life. All are respected and cared for in a loving manner. Some sort of inner integration has taken place, and this is emphasized by the marriage of the man and the woman. Opposite tendencies have been resolved; the lion can lie down with the lamb. Serenity reigns, and illumination prevails. A mysterious light comes from within. Nice. Of course, it won't last . . . .

My Pots Runneth Over

This image tells the story: an out of control mess.

The Dream: There are several pots of different sizes on the stove. All are boiling over, making a big mess. It looks as if they all contain the same thing, unappetizing ground meat in liquid. A man offers to help clean up, but I want him to go away and leave me to do it in my own way, which I feel will be more efficient.

Interpretation: I dislike cleaning up after others, and in general dislike disorganization, mess, and clutter. Controlling the mess in my environment is a way of controlling myself. Yet the mess is out of control in this dream, with more than one pot boiling over. This “mess” is a metaphor for a difficult family situation. The dream tells me not to expect to solve the problem in any sort of practical way (with the help of the man, who represents my masculine, logical side), but to leave its working out to my intuitive (feminine) side. 

Intruders

The Dream: I am returning home in the evening with the family. We are walking along the sidewalk to our townhouse that opens onto the street. As we approach our door I notice a window ajar. I point this out to the others, feeling clever that I have noticed. “I didn’t leave the window that way,” I say. I walk up a step or two and push the front door, which opens at my touch. In the dim interior light I see a young man scrambling into his clothes; we’ve apparently caught him in flagrante delicto: but what is the crime? Not really caring whether he is using my home for a sexual encounter, as it appears, or whether he’s come to steal, I am frightened and angry. “Call the cops,” he suggests. I am so frightened that I have trouble deciding which phone to use—cell or land line—and can’t find either. Somehow I manage to make the call, telling the cops a burglary is in progress. Then I wonder who else is in the house. There must be a girl, I think, since it seems we’ve caught the fellow having sex. “Did they use my bed?” I wonder, feeling grossed out.

Things are Not What They Seem

The Dream: I am a young woman. A boyfriend takes me to visit his family home, which is near the sea. The homes in his town look a little down in the mouth, with laundry hung in very small front yards no bigger than their driveways. Piles of debris await collection. I am not impressed.

Later I realize that the people here treat their very shallow fronts as backs; they are not concerned about how they look or the social and community face they present. They care about the private back gardens—not visible from the street—where they spend their time. These are large and green and face the sea.

Interpretation: This dream puts everything on its head, turns expectations upside down. What would normally be private (the laundry) is hung out for all to see. The dirty linens are washed in public. Trash is left out in piles. I am not “keeping up a front,” and my dream ego disapproves.

 As the dream progresses, I learn that this is not a bad thing, even if it flies in the face of social expectations. The front, after all, is shallow. The real life of the family (my inner life) takes places facing the sea (the unconscious). In that place the garden prospers.