It's All About Me!

The Dream: Clark and I are acting in a play. At one point he says, very melodramatically, “Tell me you love me!” I say, “I love you!” Then he says, “Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!” He is doing a parody of self-involvement. I laugh and laugh.

Interpretation: We had just spent an exhausting couple of days visiting one of his childhood friends, a woman who displayed a relentless self-involvement. The dream helped me get over my annoyance at the experience by providing the tension release of uncontrolled laughter.

A New Passion

The Dream: John, we discover when we visit, has a new girlfriend. They stand above us as if on a higher level. John is beaming, a wide smile on his face. I've never seen him so happy. He doesn't look like himself, but rather like a young boy.

Interpretation: In waking life John is a failed old man. His wife is about to divorce him. He has no discernible purpose in life and has alienated most people. In the dream his salvation comes from a new love. And, since he and his girlfriend are looking down on us, this new love is on a higher level.

It's always tempting, when recounting a dream, to think the dream is about the person dreamt about. But experience has taught me that the characters in my dreams represent parts of myself, usually parts that I'm out of touch with. The dream is telling me that the old embittered John part of myself can be saved by a new “passion” in life, perhaps a spiritual passion (something on a higher level). Once I find it, I'll be energized and rejuvenated.

The Embrace of Perfect Love

The Dream: I am with Mother. Uncle Steve is ill, and we are worried about him. “Who will take care of him?” I ask. Mother chides me for ignoring his condition. I defend myself. “No,” I say, “We have kept in touch, calling him. And Sergie has been keeping every one informed.” I say something to the effect that at Uncle Steve's age (82 in the dream) you couldn't expect him to last much longer. Then I realize that Mother is also in her 80s and that I've made a tactless remark. At the same time I realize that Uncle Steve is dead, has been dead for some time. I start to tell Mother than I know he's dead; I'm trying to persuade her to remember. I embrace Mother, telling her I love her. She says she loves me. As she says she loves me I feel her pulling back emotionally. I realize she is trying to protect herself from these strong feelings. I feel very tender toward her. I recognize that her need to protect herself is the measure of how much she loves me and how vulnerable she is. I am moved to tears by this.

Interpretation: This dream has made an important discovery. With my new understanding of what had appeared to be my mother's coldness I can enlarge the compass of my empathy and understanding. At the same time the dream might be pointing out what's behind my own emotional distance. The tears are a good sign—feelings have broken through.

Love and Death

Sometimes dreams very simply and clearly encapsulate the central issue of a life situation.

The Dream: I am in a forest. To my left are four trees, whose leaves have turned beautiful fall shades. I move up a mountain in some mysterious way, as if on an invisible conveyor belt. The forest surrounding these four trees is deep conifer green. Out of an intense, palpable loneliness I pray to god for love. The god tells me that great love involves great pain and asks, “Can you handle it?” I say I can.

Interpretation: In waking life a close friend’s husband is dying, and as I watch her suffer I ask myself, in a dream, if this can be avoided. The dream tells me it cannot.

Something’s Got a Hold of Me

The Dream: I’m in bed with my husband Clark, but having sex with someone else who is small in stature and not particularly attractive, but very seductive. I later find out he has had concurrent affairs with many others, each of whom thought she was the only one. I find a message he has sent to one of his paramours. He has drawn a lush lake shore in an expressionistic style. In some way this art conveys his undying love for some other woman.

I am incensed and go to fight with this guy who, I had believed, loved only me. I find him in a cafeteria with Clark. The fellow grabs hold of me and won’t let go. No one helps me; I struggle on.

Interpretation: The figure in the dream appears to be a trickster: he is small, seductive, and unattractive. There’s some small unattractive part of me that I find seductive. In the dream I try out this part, merging with it (having sex). The part of me that deals with life and the world in a practical way (Clark, playing the part of my animus) refuses to get involved in the problem. First he sleeps as the trickster and I become one, and then he doesn’t lift a finger to free me when I’ve had enough of the experiment. I’ve seen the trickster for what he is: duplicitous and deceptive, yet in some way connected to art and regeneration (the lush lake shore). The dream tells me I’ll struggle on until I recognize and integrate this unappealing part of myself.

It’s Not Me, It’s Him

Sometimes I think my unconscious is laughing at me.

The Dream: A woman learns that her estranged husband fell out of love with her because she had a facial tick when she was stressed: her tongue would roll out and touch below her bottom lip. I am surprised that this is so devastating to his love, because it is something she rarely does. I mention that she does tend to wipe her nose a lot, however. Apparently this doesn’t bother the husband. I think he’s a shallow perfectionist.

Interpretation: Even as I criticize the overbearing, idiotic, perfectionist part of myself I indulge in the behavior. I may think the husband (my other half) is shallow, yet can’t resist adding my own criticism (she tends to wipe her nose a lot). I guess it’s time for me to get over it!

Union of Spirit

I awakened remembering a dream from twenty years ago with new insight into its meaning.

The Dream: Stephen, a very close friend, is in hospital, dying of Aids. He looks ghastly, covered with sores. “Let’s make love,” he says. I am appalled and horrified. “Now?! I say, “Now you want to make love?” As much as we loved each other, because he was gay we had never been lovers.

I found out shortly after having this dream that Stephen had, in fact, died.

Interpretation: Stephen once criticized me for having a “literal” mind. If I could have seen beyond the literal meaning of what he was saying to me in the dream, perhaps I could have been a better friend. Had I been able to spiritually embrace him instead of shrinking from him, perhaps I could have eased both his passing and my grief. Why did I remember this dream now? Aunt Peggy’s declining state has brought to the fore the difficult issue of mortality.